I got this smile, I skip and I play like a kid.
I'm happy. People think i'm optimistic, talented and smart. I am religious. I have many friends.
Do I look like that? Do I? I hope you're convinced by this synthetic, this fake smile of mine. Most people envy how perfect my life is. How I don't have problems and how I seemed to be fine with everything.
But am I?
I always smile and agree to everything request. To be fine with everything my so called friends wanted. Do they know that all they're seeing is fake?
A mask of fake happiness and glee. That the only reason is, I cannot say no. have they thought of my feelings? are they even my friends?
That every time I see them, I have this smile that no one ever dared to disbelieve.
This sense of optimism everyone envies? It's all superficial. In fact, all I think of is sadness, despair, hate, and often I just can't go on anymore. Does anyone know that? Once I told my mom to cut the afternoon church club meetings, Guess what she bladed?
No God will be disappointed to you, she said.
I wanted to reply "Well if you put it that way" or "Sure make me feel guilty. Do I have a choice?" but all I can do is agree and pretend I didn't ask anything.
The Saddest part is with all the masks, my disguises, my covers. . .all the lies. . .Everyone seems to believe. No one knows how gloom, how depressed. . .unhappy I am. No one, none of you people.
None of you dare to doubt
I don't know. . .I if I still know who I am beneath.
Is it even there? I don't know.