DEEP (declamation)

"Deep"
Mando

It's like this, everyday.
Nothing has changed.

I wake up, surprised, knowing that I'm still alive, thinking that it's already over, only to find out that it's not.
Heavy breathing followed the overwhelming reality that your body is moving, you're still thinking, and your eyes can still see all the things that you wish you didn't see.

It's not yet over.
The game is still ongoing
And I'm just here waiting, waiting for the last signal to erupt, waiting for a confirmation that it's all done.
But I guess it's different.
The rules have changed.

Now, you have to pretend that you're fine, even if your mind is exploding with negativity that seems heavier than a boulder.
You have to smile even though the heart can't seem to find a justifiable reason to move the muscle on your lips.
You have to make them believe that you're not struggling with the reality of life.
You have to be fine.

That's the hardest part.

I'm not ok
I want to be ok, but I'm not.
Help me.
Please
 
I smile, laugh, cry, like a normal person do, but underneath the normal face that you see, is another figure that's shouting for help, and waiting to be felt.

It's covered by despair and anger, by guilt and pressure, by expectation and failure, by insanity and reality.
It's all beneath the jokes that I throw, the laughter that you hear, and the usual Hi and Hello
 
It's deeper than you think.

It's a feeling that nothing is right
It's a feeling that doesn't make any sense
It's a feeling that even if you try to overcome, you will still fall short
It's a feeling that after all of this, the darkness will still prevail


It's an overwhelming feeling
It's a feeling that I wish I haven't felt.

It's complicated

This day may be the last, and I still don't know.
I might be thinking of ways to end it, and you wouldn't know
It's a feeling I wish you knew.
It's a feeling that's never new

I'm not ok
I wan't to be ok, but I'm still not.